![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
I'm chix0r.
Thanks.
http://myspace.com/binary_bitch
^HEll yeah
Give me your MySpace addys and I'll add you.
Or vice versa.
- Location:dr0m
Post Secret is a very popular blog, in which anonymous senders submit post cards to the provided address, and in turn Post Secret displays the cards on the website http://postsecret.blogspot.com.
This application (App) has migratated to Facebook. It has since devolved into relationship advice, often from users who claim to be 12 or 15.
One particular advice-seeker, a girl, asked--because she had feelings for the boy--that if he wanted to kiss/make out with her, despite his current girlfriend, should she do it?
To me, that answer was obvious. I replied, "Do not allow it! He is USING you! If they in fact break up, the pain you feel now will be so much worse when he cheats on YOU."
It was worth staying up until 3 o'clock the next morning when she responded, "that's all I needed to hear."
- Location:Facebook Apps
- Music:Pokemon Center - Go Ichinose
Okay, so
I was tagging around a 3D graphics lab that was making a German-language immersive-design game for the OU Department of Modern Languages. I told them that I was a programmer, which I really wasn't, all that much. I totally embellished (faked) my resume and they let me in. This was in Putnam Hall, next to the @Lab.
One of the 3D artists took a shine to me. We kept in contact through the summer, and a few weeks before classes began, I called him.
It was one of those, "Oh, wow, it's good to hear from you!" deals. I didn't know if he really felt that way, because he sold me a terribly good pitch to buy his best friends computer, a $1900 confection that I was absolutely SURE that something was wrong with; he's too shady to let something like that go for that ridiculously cheap price. But he pitched me a hard sell, and because I trusted him, I agreed to look at it.
I conducted a phone interview with Mr._________ (3D design-artist friend) about J----'s computer. On the phone, I asked some questions. The processors were overclocked, 3.6 GHz and it had an insane 4GB HD. The graphics card was enough to just about make me pass out. However, when pressed, J---- admitted that it would need a new cooling system in about ~5-6 months, which I took to mean ~3-6 weeks.
J---- has a terrible reputation among the locals. He is a terrible friend, a pathological liar and incapable (or unwilling) of following through with promises. I was already predisposed to dislike him.
So anway, Mr._________ invited me to his house. Once I arrived, I looked at him computer with envy as he waved its specs in my face to watch me grimace with emotion; I wanted one just like it. And by "just like," I mean, 8GB RAM...what the fuck?
On the second visit, I believe, was where the real trouble began. He went into the darkened hallway and came back with a large bottle, the kind they use for nutritional supplements in drugstores. I asked what it was, and he said, Pi-------m. It (and he used this word so SERIOUSLY..."a nutritional supplement that
"Overclocks [one]'s Processor...the brain."
I was like, "Holy shit, and you take this?"
"Oh, yeah, I just pop 'em like candy."
"Uhhhh..."
"Oh, look. Here's the bottle."
I read it.
"Unique Nutrition; etc..." Are you sure this is safe to take?
"Yeah! Like I said, it overclocks your processors."
"So," I asked, not joking-but-not-really, "Where do you get this stuff?"
He gave me the bottle, which was about 1/4 full of pills. "I got this for you. When you described your symptoms, I thought of it immediately."
"I don't believe this shit! Tell me how this is legit?"
He pulled up a Wikipedia article on P-----tam. It looked all right there.
--
So in the end, I wound up taking the pills to my mother's house, whereupon I consumed two immediately. I called him up after a few hours.
"Oh my god! I feel so stable! This is so amazing!" I was so relieved and surprised. How was this happening?
--
When I finally got myself to a computer, I realized something. This helped me to remember and comprehend pictures, text and every aspect of internet more quickly; I was reading twice as fast and comprehending much more than I had been. The same for textbooks, I got better grades by studying less.
It's "no stronger than Vitamin C, and less addicting."
Oh, god.
I'm still taking this stuff. Looked it up on PubMed, seems all right.
Now it's come time to order more.
I don't really have that much cash to spare, but it's worth a try.
- Location:Voigt 430
- Mood:okay
- Music:"Domino" - Goo Goo Dolls, before they began to suck. A lot.
Here is our song. I wrote a (wishful) short story where he and I met, played DOA, and went to Wal-Mart. That would have happened on a Friday. Oh, oh. I'm almost in tears.
Oh, God. I don't know what I'm doing here. This is the most terrifying situation of my life, alone in America. Damn.
And this place is so damn cliquish.
- Location:Voigt 430
- Music:Boxy Brown - "Happy Birthday"
tee hee hee
Just found this by Googling myself. Oh so modest!
Whenever I wrote this, I congratulate myself for being hilarious. Do you think so?
Dislikes
Toggle keys, people who have horrible grammar and little or no knowledge of the English language that they speak, parents who keep no rein over their children. Bad TV movies. Flagrant disregard for the history of the computer revolution. Ignorance. Toggle keys, and that annoying pop music that the waifish (READ: overweight) middle-school children on my bus seem to enjoy. Racism. The idea of me having children. Being too lazy to get my driver's license. People who talk in chat-speak in real life. Media moguls controlling the internet (MySpace) and the idea of Senator John McCain as a professional gymnast.
Pet Peeves
Ugly chicks who wear shirts saying 'cutie pie' or 'hottie.' Or 'princess.' People who chew with their mouth open, people who talk while chewing with their mouth open. People who don't respond when you talk to them. Honky-Tonk music. People who don't believe in Social Darwinism. Pacifists.
- Location:dr0m
- Music:"When H Binds to O" - Lotus
Some compliments I've received...not to brag but more for my self-affirmation to see this in print:
My handwriting.
I'd been admiring my mother's grandmother's signature and writing style out of old cookbooks. I finally about a month ago asked my mother about her handwriting after about six years of looking at it and being envious. She practices a style of writing called, "Copperplate Calligraphy." She gave me a book about it, but I still need to purchase a calligraphy pen. One of the girls from my class I'm interested in loves my handwriting. In another class, I was turning in a paper, and someone exclaimed upon how much they liked it, saying, "My handwriting looks like chicken scratch next to that."
That was pleasing.
I liked going to JCon. It was one of those things that I just came out of my shell, the real me. I was probably loud, obnoxious and trying a little too hard, but still having fun. And I learned that Dikis' out of tune singing completely threw off my rendition of "A Whole New World," which sucked anyway because I was cracking up hardcore.
Listening to MC Chris. I pretty much hate his music. But I don't know if he gets as much ass as he claims. Next time he comes to Athens, I'll look into that.
- Location:dr0m
- Music:"Call Me What You Will" Original Lyrics
I had such a great weekend. Thanks to the one who made it possible. I know you're reading this right now.
When I got back to Otterbein from Athens, I felt good. It was such a different feeling...most of the time, I've become accustomed to being miserable. But Otterbein feels like home now, and I was so glad to be back. I'll miss it...ironically it's become my home and I'll leave it for good next week. But I'll always remember the time that I had at camp. Being gainfully employed by the United Methodist Church was a little unsettling at first, but after a while I found it very pleasing.
I believe I've grown a lot over the summer, both spiritually and emotionally. I still have trouble hiding my emotions at some points, and I'm a little soft in the way of getting my feelings hurt or being embarassed. I'm getting better at these things. Life is full of these little trials.
I know I'm being vague.
I don't know how to begin.
Something that happened this weekend--well, something I said without thinking--caught my attention. I said that I wanted to be dominated (that sounds dirty but it's the word that fits the situation)...or maybe just domesticated. I am posessive but not jealous in a mean way.
Around you, 0okami, it's easy to be kind and pleasing; hopefully that's how I come across to you. You may be surprised to see how socially inept I sometimes am around other people, but you bring out the best in me. Why is that? I think it's just that I want you to know that not all girls are out to hurt you. I hope that you can be my "big brother." But I don't want you to be my slave. Now that I'm thinking about it, I do want to see more of Full Moon Phase, or what we watched Friday night.
I don't know...when I returned to camp, my heart felt full...full of happiness and love. I don't know, maybe it was the sickness in me, tricking me. But I don't think so. I was so proud, so glad to be alive that I sort of teared up. It was the perfect ending to an amazing summer.
It was the best feeling in the world. I still feel some of it now as I'm heading off to bed. Hopefully it will last until I see you again.
Elena.
- Location:Logan, Ohio
- Music:The Wallflowers "Bleeders"
But no, I don't think so; they who disapprove of me (especially in the last two graduating classes) make their disdain known with looks that vary from sneering to haughty to studied indifference. They feel that I am beneath their dignity. I am actively looking into removing my name from the student directory at OU. But then...will my insurance company readily admit I am at college? That could be a problem.
This summer has been the greatest summer of my life. This I proclaim with absolute certainty. However, the events of the past few weeks (or hours) have served to arouse thought about tendencies that I prefer not to reveal, even to myself. So I will post them here of Facebook, for all to see. Therefore should any of these make themselves known, I can be checked or called out on it.
Shame. Not many people know the feelings that are displayed on my face when greeted in public. I feel, somehow, that my private thoughts have been laid bare to the world, and though I conceal my struggles, I remain irrationally convinced that everyone knows about them. I turn my face away. How can two groups of people be so opposite? The "common" and the "university." To be sure, I am convinced that many acknowledge me out of pity. What else could it be? Although I feel that I have shown in my general manner of speech and tone of my voice a measure of vast intelligence and, twinned and joined with this, a pessimistic way of beholding all that surrounds me.
Ruthlessness. Many who have observed me, I feel, would be surprised to learn that I am a Christian. Perhaps not so devout, or evident in my acerbic words directed at of those who I consider beneath me, who have slighted me to my face or behind my back, never offering forgiveness or acceptance even if they offered apology freely. I feel very strongly, and once my opinion of someone's character or actions is fixed it is hard for me to be dissuaded from those beliefs. If I have heard or witnessed great objections to a person, I cannot help but to come to believe them myself. For this I have no further explanation or apology to offer.
Self-Worthlessness. So great, I feel, are my transgressions that I believe none will associate with me. This has been my own undoing, and I am certain (at least to myself) that those with whom I longed to associate with in high school will want nothing further to do with me after graduation. Even some have expressed interest in re-acquainting themselves with me are treated with high suspicion. It's what comes of reading novels of mystery and intrigue so often; I suspect everyone has a motive, other than simply being "nice." I'm sorry to cause anyone annoyance or unsettledness but it is an ingrained habit and I'm working on it...truly.
Lonliness. I went to the doctor's today and was relating to her problems that I've been feeling in my chest whenever I feel alone. Feelings of coldness, worthlessness and loneliness take hold of me, and I feel that my torso has been gripped by a vice. Perversely, I welcome the pain. However, it so happened that I was speaking to someone who was at least seven years my junior and looked up to me as a camp counselor when this was occurring. My attentions wandered, and I was brought down to earth with a slam as the camper asked me what was wrong. "Oh, nothing!" I gasped, scrabbling with my fingers against the left side of my chest. "I'll be fine." I looked for that pain, tried to bring it on again. I need that pain; it's been my bedside companion for a year and a half. Every night before I'd go to sleep it came, and I came to enjoy its constricting burn. This is very twisted of me and if I drive anyone off by this entry, so mote it be.
Hatred. This is very uncharitable of me, but I feel always that there must be someone among my general acquaintance whom I can speak of to others in confidence, to conspire against him (usually a him) and wage war against in my mind and in my heart. To trade words with someone in that bold dance of wit (Parry! Thrust! Retreat!) and, in a way reminiscent of 19th century England, courtly banter and flowery phrases to flatter. Only perhaps in my case, the opposite is true; I try to shut down my "opponent," looking for ways to slam him and his emotions together.
Fear. What do I fear? I fear that I will be forgotten. Even as I write this, I come to see what was the motive behind some of my less explicable of my actions. I don't want to be forgotten. My name will bear a smear on the record of my family that my brother will fall into. But he is served very well on his own; those of you who have the pleasure to be his schoolmate in high- or middle school will be most pleased in his sense for fun and amiability. But I fear myself. I fear what I am capable of. I fear the ways God will use me. I am upset easily by affronts to my pride. What is behind that? I fear abandonment. I fear rejection most severely of any of these. I will do almost anything to be accepted. Do not take advantage of this! But other times, I hold my standard high. I stand by my decisions on people's character, until I am disproven so clearly that it is obvious that I stand in the wrong. And to those whom I love dearly, to those whom I desire to be near to and in turn be loved by, I can offer no complaint. Goodbye.
- Location:Athens, Ohio
01. STANLEY
The Stanford Racing Team's autonomous vehicle is a modified Volkswagen Touareg that can scan any terrain and pick out a drivable course to a preset destination. Cup holders optional.
I also want him to
Visit Xerox PARC. Say 'hi' to Ankit Fadia, my favorite author. See if he can track down a Whole Earth Catalog. Basically do anything that I want to do if I was in Palo Alto right now.
*sob*
- Location:Brennen's
- Mood:daring
- Music:"Felicia" by Blues Traveller
Damn.
I suck at life.
Also...I had a dream that was very bizarre.
It began with me and a few of my acquaintances (whom I had formed earlier in the dream) running along where Court intersects W. Washington. There were aquamarine flags along the sides, maybe a couple of booths or something. It was winter, and strangely the snow we were running in was up to our waists and completely unbroken. When we reached the place where Court mets W. Union, the weather completely changed.
The air was hot and dry, and the part of the dream that I remember most vividly was running down to a place that was ON FIRE and trying to get everyone out.
I was sent on a mission by Kurt Vonnegut to find a key, and I ran all over looking for it. I finally found it beneath a low-hanging cloud, which was standing in front of a gated community.
I'm sure that this makes no sense, but I dream so vividly every night, long strange dreams. They are so intense sometimes that they interfere with my sleep. Hopefully they will go away soon enough.
It wasn't a bad dream, just interesting.
WOW
After this writing the above, something has occured. I went to Wikipedia and looked up "Kurt Vonnegut." There, in the article, it said:
"Kurt is also the younger brother of Bernard Vonnegut, an atmospheric scientist who invented the concept of cloud seeding, the process of artificial stimulation of rain."
I don't know what that has to do with my dream about Kurt Vonnegut and clouds. I've never read anything about or by Kurt Vonnegut.
- Location:Court St., Athens, Ohio
- Music:Ane Brun feat. Ron Sexsmith "Song No. 6"
I was being interviewed for a position at a UMC church camp in Logan, Ohio. When asked the question, "What did you learn from your last job," I feel that my reply is (was) as good as anything I'll ever blog about.
1. You can't always trust everything anyone says, no matter how cordial or approachable they seem.
2. Don't expect people to care about you and certainly don't expect people to care about your opinions or doings. They do not give half a damn. (I'm still working on this one.)
3. People are petty. They insist on talking about and doing shit that makes no sense.
4. Being sensible of one's own strengths and weaknesses is invaluable to one's feelings of self-worth. Or maybe it is better sometimes to be in denial?
5. Don't ever expect to get called back by people who are too busy or too cool for you. You will only feel worse about going to bed on at 9:00 PM on a Saturday night because you've nothing better to do to occupy your time.
On a further note, what is it with guys assuming that I "shack up" with people? I never even heard the term until Mr. ______ suggested that I shacked up with another girl. I was confused on several levels. Does he like to think about me shacking up with girls because he's interested in hot lesbian lust, or do I give off vibes that I'm gay? Another young man of recent acquaintance, A Mr. W. L. asked me at once if I was looking to "shack up" with someone when I only meant to inquire if anyone lived in the vicinity of my house and could give me a ride home. Do I give off an air of being promiscuous?
One more question...that meteor that's supposed to be a near miss to earth in 2025? What does it rate on the Torino scale?
- Location:Athens, Ohio
- Music:DJ Tiesto "Adagio for Strings [Radio Edit]"
Also, maybe it was my fault, but while people were laughing every two lines the character said, I was wondering what was so funny...maybe I was coming in on the tail end of things, wasn't familiar with the characters...whatever.
I'm definitely going to the International Street Fair on Saturday. It's from 11:00 AM to 5:00 PM. I encourage the two people who read this blog to skive off work and hang out with me. It'll be a rockin' good time.
Also...
I saw the guy whom I've been crushing on listening to Brother Micah preach on the Green. He was sitting there with his shoes off. I walked up and began heckling him, just because he and his preaching buddy, Jesse was there and they piss me off SO much.
I'm afraid I wasn't being very attractive, you know, yelling and generally being a nuisance. I've not the smallest hope for anything with his guy now.
Do you know of any places that would be hiring over the summer?
I may have a job opportunity in Logan. As much as I hate Brother Micah the Open-Air Preacher, I do like attending Church camp, as I have been doing every summer since my freshman year of high school. I may get to be a counselor there...it's pretty good money: food, lodging and $2100 (probably a little less) for the entire summer.
But it will be grueling work. Ten camps, ten different batches of campers, and ten weeks. Just one day off, Saturday. I won't be able to sleep when I like, or even when I'm exhausted, which is daunting because I need at least 7.5 hours of sleep every night in order to function.
It's beautiful countryside though. And totally worth it. There's no internet at all.
NO COMPUTERS AT ALL FOR 10 WEEKS? WILL I SURVIVE? ONLY TIME CAN TELL.
Elena.
- Location:Athens, Ohio
- Mood:Ugh.
- Music:The Gay Song (Brother Micah)
It turns out that there was a man named "Brother Michah," aka Micah Armstrong, who is a traveling preacher from Miami, Florida. He visits college campuses across the nation spreading his fundamental version of the gospel.
According to the Athens News:
"During his visit, he often managed to provoke students with his harsh condemnation of their behavior or status. This has been a perennial rite of spring on the college green since the early 1970s."
Well, all I know is that I joined in the group of jeering students I got really worked up. He kept saying, "God wants this," and "God tells you that." I finally ended up yelling at him because my friend walked up and she and her boyfriend were kissing. He started yelling at them about fornication and he called James a "whore mongerer." That sounds like an insult off of Anchorman or something.
He condemned a girl for wearing a short skirt.
There were several young men in the audience who were carrying pitchforks and wearing black, one of them was carring a sign and waving it to cars that were passing by. The sign said, "Honk if you love sin!"
Well, that's only half the story. He condemned gays, even though there was an obviously gay man standing next to him. Then a guy who graduated one year before me (who will remain unnamed to protect both the innocent and the guilty) took off his shirt and started "dancing" around Brother Micah in a really suggestive way, rubbing his chest and just making a nuisance of himself.
It was funny and morbid at the same time. Like, watching a train wreck. You can't stop looking, and it's transfixing. Like I said...morbidly fascinating.
I stayed and listened to this dude preach fire and brimstone for almost two hours. I didn't agree with anything he said. What happened to the loving God, I asked him? Well, he told me that God wasn't tolerant and didn't tolerate sin, and that I shouldn't quote the Bible out of context, which was exactly what he had been doing for the last hour and a half. He condemned me, shut me down, and didn't even answer my question.
Ugh.
- Location:The Green, Athens Ohio
- Music:Fair to Midland "Dance of the Manatees"
Here are some pictures I'll post just because.
Yeah, Cosplay is cool.
- Location:Right behind you
- Music:solitudex "Muted Silence"
Some of you probably know about Boolean logic for search engines, or at least, I'm sure at least one of the two people who read this blog do. You know, operators. AND, OR, NOT, et al.
Well, I decided to combine a few things. Apache is extremely exploitable, as it's Open Source and over 60% of the websites on the Internet use it as a backbone for their pages' index.
Well, just like all sites have an INDEX, you can search their indexes using this little gem of a hack. This means you can look at the root of their files.
Try typing this into the Google search engine:
?intitle:index.of AMV
What do you get? Some sites are really shady; once when I searched this I came up with two sites with the word "Defcon" in their URLs.
Well, it's not that good of a search. A lot of the time, the links are broken or inaccessible. But I mostly use it for ripping music off of people's websites.
?intitle:index.of mp3 "Cracker - Low"
The first link you come up with is one from Technohippie.com. Yeah, you heard me.
The whole thing with the guy is that I feel jilted. And that makes me angry, not at him but mostly at myself. Now that I know what his feelings are, I have only to be ashamed of what my own are. It may be a stretch to call him a sexist jerk-off, but it makes me feel better.
Try giving that song a listen. It's one of my favorites, probably one of the sweetest love songs without being sloppy. Very nice.
- Location:The Kissing Circle, Athens Ohio
- Mood:inebriated
- Music:Buckcherry "Anything"
It's the pirate your mother warned you about. Note: Not for the faint of heart. Or, in general, not for men. How's that?
This is one of the best made movies I have ever seen. It involves Master Chief's helmet being removed and Samus Aran.
God, it's delightful. Check it out...OR ELSE.
So yesterday I was walking along West State and who should I see but Mr. ________. He sort of waved to me from his car window, which was open, and I very nearly flipped him off. I lifted my wrist with every intention to elevate the finger but I didn't quite get around to it, as I used my hand to push my face away from his direction. I was so embarassed.
I got to the West State St. ballfields later, and I realized that after trying to rationalize my actions, it simply felt better to feel good about myself because I can be a bitch. I can be irrational. I can be unpredictable. And it feels good, on occasion.
In the AIM conversation in which he rejected me, I asked him, "If you are not returning my calls on purpose, or you're just trying to give me the hint and hoping I'll get it, just tell me now."
He told me he wasn't interested in me for anything other than friends.
"Well shit," I said. "Fine." I paused and then said, "I didn't want to be anything more than friends with you anyway." To which he replied, "Then I don't see what the point of that IM was."
Well, I guess that little incident yesterday proved that I was lying.
I was lying.
^My profile picture
I am so confused right now.
I just realized how sexist Dillon's away message was, and how hard it would have been for me to like him.
But I do.
And just so you know...
LEAVE COMMENTS
I come across Mr. _______'s away message.
Oho boy.
" I am once again reminded why i have stayed single my whole life. women are an unpredictable and irrational creature."
Holy shit.
Did he somehow come across one of my entries where I shot up Jimmy John's? Is that it? Maybe I flatter myself by thinking that I have influence enough to the point that he would have his away message pertain to something I had done or expressed.
I am kicking myself. Right now.
One more thing: Two people who read this...
Leave comments, it's the only way I get paid.
- Location:Gordy Hall, Athens Ohio
- Mood:defeated
- Music:DJ Tiesto - Adagio For Strings [Radio Edit]
I've been tasked with writing a paper on the website Suicidegirls.com for a class I'm in. There's so much good information, but hardly any of it is credible enough that I could cite it without arousing suspicion.
Yeah.
I've been really getting into some Pirates of the Caribbean fanfiction for the last two-three days. It began when I saw a picture:
So I got really distracted by that, and it all went downhill from there.
I'm excitedly anticipating going to JCon, but my mother informs me (bleargh) that I must be home by 11PM. But basically, that's five hours in which to enjoy myself...or not.
I don't remember how long JCon has been going on, but when I was in 7th grade, my mom took me to something (might've been an old JCon?). There was this live-action thing where it was set up so that there was footage of an Iron Chef TV show, and people had practiced doing the same things as the Iron Chef, so that it looked like there we video cameras trained on them and that the show was actually what was going on on the monitor (?).
And there were people watching anime.
I don't remember much about that, because I was sort-of kind-of into anime, not any of the serious stuff, just Pokemon and some other stuff from WB channel.
There were some things my mom objected to, like some gestures in a dance that was going on, but I was really confused most of the time. Now that I think about it, we were members of AFIS (Athens Friends of International Students) and we probably were paired with someone from Japan.
Interesting.
- Location:Brennen's, Athens Ohio
- Music:Ron Sexsmith "Dandelion Wine"
